The World Can Seem Big Sometimes

The other night, Carson and I were over at a park in our neighbourhood. He was one of the youngest there at the time and it made me realize just how innocent he still is. The behaviour of the kids and parents was appalling. I still have a lot to teach my son. A few older boys came over and were playing with some toy guns. They looked so real and I was instantly uncomfortable with the situation.

Carson is only 22 months (barley!!) and he's been changing quickly. He's picking up new words daily now, he's physically developed to a point that I barely need to help him do anything. As big as he's getting and as smart as he is, I just didn't like him being around the guns.

It was shocking to me and maybe it shouldn't have been. Being a parent in 2013 is a challenge. I've realized quickly that I can't shelter my child from the harshness of the world. He's going to figure it out either way. Plus, he doesn't look at the kids playing with the guns the same way I do. Luckily, he isn't aware of all the violence going on  in our world today. That makes me sad too that one day he'll know all that stuff.

It's overwhelming sometimes as a parent to think of all the values I need to instill in  my child. Being at the park at this time with Carson and having these feelings, made me realize too that I am a good Mother and I have a great husband who is doing this with me. We are going to teach our son how his behaviour can affect others.

The other thing that bothered me a lot was parents sitting on the benches completely ignoring their children who were behaving badly. It was awkward for me because I wanted to smack some of the kids because of how they were going down the slides and not giving Carson a chance to go down.

Parents were just sitting there on the iPhone's just hanging out, taking a break from parenting. Sorry, you can't really take a break from parenting!! That's how I look at it I guess. Once you become a parent, your life changes significantly. You think so differently about everything. Sure, you can go out and be "normal" once in a while, but when you go home at night, you want to see your kid, you want to hold them and kiss them goodnight. For me, that's how it goes. When I go to the park with Carson, I want to go down the slide with him and chase him around. I want to be engaged in his life and everything he is doing. I'm proud of that.

I saw a good quote last night before bed floating around Facebook that made me realize I can't over think things too much when it comes to what I see other parents doing or other kids doing. It's not to say that I shouldn't care or shouldn't have opinions about things, but I need to bring it home and realize that I do have a good kid and we are good parents :)

Don't Let Yourself Become So Concerned

With Raising a Good Kid

That You Forget

You already Have ONE

Green Boogies and Tea

Ok all you Mom's out there... how do you stop your child from having that gross crusty booger nose? Carson has been on and off sick for the past 2 weeks and he absolutely hates when I try to clean his nose. I've used an entire package of boogie wipes already and my green bin is half full of tissue.  The fun of having a sick kid. 

I was out with him today at Chapters and was hoping no other Mom's would notice and think I'm a bad Mom for not cleaning his nose. I do, and I did with a wet cloth before we left, but 2 minutes outside in the cold and it looks ugly again! Why do I even care what anyone thinks?

Moving on to the tea part. I've been happily enjoying tea much more recently. I notice coffee can give me a bitchy crash sometimes. I never know when, but I just notice that with tea, you don't get the caffeine buzz and then nasty crash. There are also many benefits to tea. It's fun to try new teas and to just take that time to relax. Everyone needs a little bit of "me time" and when Carson naps, I make a tea and have 20 minutes to myself... some days..

Maybe tea is the answer to Carson's boogies! haha! Winter is here and so is cold season. Let the wiping of the noses (or battle of the wiping of the noses) begin!

The Challenges of the First Year

A lot of people told me when I was pregnant to enjoy the rest of my time alone with Austin because once baby comes life is pretty much over. I hated hearing that. What pregnant woman wants to hear that? People say the strangest things. The worst thing you can say to any pregnant woman is: "Wow, you're huge! Are you sure it's not twins!??". I was told this so many times. The first couple times bothered me, but then I just got over it. I was massive! 


Anyway, the people were somewhat right about having a baby. Your life as you know it as an expectant parent is over once the baby arrives. There's no denying that! Looking back to the first year now that I have adjusted to everything, it was insane. I don't remember as much as I thought I would. There were many, many sleepless nights and days alone that I thought I was going to go crazy. Days I didn't shower and lost track of everything and everyone. When the sleep regression began at 4 months, our lives took a turn in the other direction. 

I feel like sleep is what gets new parents. When you don't have sleep, everything is crazy. I resented Austin when I shouldn't have, I eventually was upset with Carson for not sleeping and not understanding why he wouldn't just shut up and sleep! It sounds blunt, but that's how it was. I'm trying to give a realistic view on parenting and this is how it was for us. 

Dinner was rarely made, dishes weren't done, laundry piled up. Slowly things got out of control. Once we went through the process of getting Carson into better sleeping habbits everything changed. Life was a lot better when we were sleeping. Austin slept the entire time, but he had to deal with me. I used to wake him up when I was getting too frustrated to even hold Carson. It was that tough sometimes. 

I can happily say that everything we went through was worth it. There is light at the end of the tunnel even when it seems like you're never going to get there. It's ok to be angry and upset with the way things are too. Things also get easier when I finally just accepted that I was doing most of it on my own and I had to just be strong. No one was going to cook or clean for us. I just had to deal with that. 

I have grown a lot over the past 16 months. I didn't see it 12 months ago, but the challenges I was facing then taught me so much about myself and my family. I know I have so much to learn and so much more to go through, but I am confident in myself and my husband that we can get through it together and as long as we have love, that's really all we need.

Loosing The "Baby Weight"

I haven't written a lot about myself and the journey I have taken with the baby weight. It has been a long one, and I will talk more about this soon, but I wanted to note that today I offically can say I lost every single pound I gained!! Yess!! Finally!

Carson is now 16 months and I finally lost the whole 60 pounds I gained while pregnant with him. I never thought it would take this long or be this hard, but I did it. I put my mind to it and made changes, gave up things in order to work out and take the time to plan healthy meals.

It was so much easier just being pregnant and eating! haha! It was fun, but so not worth it in the end. I know now that I wasn't eating right. I may have chosen to eat a well balanced diet, but I was eating too many calories for what my body needed. I stopped intense exercise and weight lifting at about 26 weeks when I was having lower back issues. I did continue to eat like I was still working out as hard as I did before I was pregnant. I've learned a lot for the next time!

I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished in 16 months. Loosing 60 pounds while nursing, taking care of my family and myself has not been easy. I just want other Mom's or Mom-to-be's to know that you too can loose it. Just put to your mind to it and find what works for you. You CAN get your sexy body back too!
 

Such a Happy Boy

Having a baby has changed me. I've realized a lot about myself, my husband and life. I've managed to conquer the first year and become a much stronger woman that I was before I had Carson in my life. The next 20+ years are going to be filled with more challenges and adventures that will help shape me as a person.

The most common comment I've received about Carson has been:"He's just such a happy, sweet boy!". I love hearing this. It makes me feel like Austin and I have done something right. We are both people who put our best foot forward in any situation and want what's best for everyone. We love Carson so much and try out best each day to make him happy. Sometimes we have to say no and he screams at us, but that's our job too. He can't always watch Sesame Street when he wants to... right?

The world is crazy and busy and full of so many bad things, but having Carson to play with each day makes life and the world look so much better. I'm so grateful for my family. I don't take anything for granted. I've finally learned to live in the moment and enjoy what I have. I don't want anything else. It's a peaceful feeling to get to this point. Just happy in my own space, in my own life, that I created with Austin. I have Carson to thank for helping me to reach this point in my life. He's my happy little boy and it's just so contagious! 

The Guilt of a Mother

This morning I dropped Carson off at his daycare and went to the gym. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty, but I had to do it. I can't believe how bad I feel when I do things like this to him.

As I was walking away from the house, I could still hear him screaming. I felt awful. I'm making my kid cry and be upset just so I can workout. Tomorrow is his first full day at daycare. He will only be going once a week while I work a full day. It's not even that bad, I'm still with him 70% of the time, but I still feel like the worst Mother ever!! 

As a new Mom I think this whole guilt thing is just going to stick around, or I'm breaking myself in and getting super strong for the next one. I feel bad all the time for doing things for myself, so I just don't. I always put Carson first. That's ok though. I want to do that as much as I can. I take time for myself when I can. Luckily, I have a more than capable husband who supports me and cares about giving me time for myself too.

It's funny because I know Carson needs to experience these things, but I never thought it would be this hard. I knew being a Mom would  be work, but I never expected to feel bad just for integrating him into daycare. Guilt, guilt, guilt! In the end, all these hard and stressful things just makes me stronger. Carson benefits from it too. He's learned that I come back and that it's ok to be without me for short or longer periods of time.

The guilt of a Mother....

A Walking, Talking... What?

Carson has now been walking since early June (the 6th to be exact) and each week his walking has progressed. He went through the falling stages and more timid stages, and now he just runs all over the place. I rarely see him crawl. Only to a wall or thing so he can pull himself back into a standing position.

Over the past 2 weeks Carson is also babbling much more. He really is trying hard to communicate. I've always talked to Carson as much as I could and I have noticed that he actually is starting to understand what I'm saying to him.

When I say "Let's do your diaper."  he goes to the stairs and waits for me and we go up together. Same with bathtime, or he knows what walk means already. I am still shocked at how quick this past few months has gone by and just how much my boy has changed and grown up. 

I've been so busy with work and life that having a chance to reflect on these changes hasn't come until now. I'm so proud of Carson. He's really smart and developing so well. He's so independent and we have so much fun together.

He likes to play games with me and when we're together and happy, it's like time doesn't exist.

I'm so greatful for all my time with Carson. Being back to work has been busy, but I have also had more chances to really value my time at home. I always did, but now I do even more. I love my boy!