My previous post was all about Carson not wanting to go to school. At the time, I didn't know what the real reason was. I did some digging and had several conversations with Carson around bedtime. Eventually, he told me that some boys were bothering him at recess. He told me that one boy was punching him in the stomach and another was hitting him on his back. He said he ran away really fast to get a teacher. My heart broke. The reason he didn't want to go to school was because he was feeling bullied!
There was also another more innocent incident which he talked to me about. He plays with lots of boys at recess and they play a "chase superhero game". He said that he didn't like always being the villain. I talked to him about that too and told him that he needed to talk to the other boys and ask them to stop calling him that. I understand that maybe he felt "ganged up on", even though it was just a game and possibly not being said in a malicious way.
The next day, after talking to him about expressing his feelings and setting boundaries, Carson told the boys to stop calling him the villain. That was that. He was fine about going to school. No issues again until the punching and hitting incident.
My biggest issue was that I didn't know about it at first. Carson told me the morning of school and was very upset and didn't want to go. I had no idea why until it came out. Why didn't the teachers think I should know that my son was being punched and hit at recess? Obviously this would create some anxiety around wanting to go to school. This whole environment is so new to Carson. He did attend preschool last year 2 days a week and it was 2 1/2 hours. Preschool was so much different that 5 FULL days a week. It's a lot for his age, in my opinion. It's also new to me in that I've lost control of knowing what he's up every day. I am not expecting to get a full report on every single thing he did, including bathroom trips, but when something physical happens to my child, I would like to know. I always ask Carson about school and make time to connect with him each night, but he didn't tell me about the incident until 8am when we were getting ready for school the day after it happened. That was really surprising to me. I did speak with the teacher to tell her I'd like a heads up next time.
All of these new situations and feelings are good for him to experience.I want to equip him with the tools to deal with them himself. I have no desire to keep him home and shelter him from being hurt. It's part of life. He needs to learn how to deal with the issues himself. Avoiding them would not help him. Even when it hurts my heart more than I expected, it's what parenthood is about. Our job is to provide our children with values and then we need to send them out into the world and help to guide them through the ups and downs that life throws at them. Sometimes our job as parents means we miss out on the fun stuff and have to do the hard work. I truly have felt some bitterness over this fact over the last 2-3 months, but I know that I am his parent and part of that responsibility isn't about making sure he's happy 24/7. If he hates me most days, it must mean I'm doing something right! {Evil Laugh}
Personally, I was bullied a lot as a young kid. From elementary school until the end of high school. It made me upset and emotional to see him so upset and hurt. I know too well the feeling of being bullied. Of course I want to go punch the other boys in the head and protect my baby from them, but that is not going to be the appropriate method of handling anything!!!
I'm learning so much more about Carson now that he's in school. He can be sensitive at times (just like me!!) and he is now learning how to handle those feelings. He also doesn't do very well with sudden changes. For example, if his regular teacher isn't in the school yard in the mornings, he cries and doesn't want to go to school. I've had to talk him through it and eventually he goes, but it's challenging. However, instead of letting him stay home from school when he says he doesn't want to go, I push him to be brave and adapt to someone new or different. I try to be patient and calm, but it's very stressful at times and for those reading this who know me well, patience doesn't come naturally to me. Thankfully, there are way too many other parents around for me to loose my cool and freak out. It's a good way for me to practice my calm side, because it DOES exist if I try hard enough.
I know that this is a very minor incident and it hasn't happened again, but it was a great learning lesson for all of us. I'm so glad that I was able to talk with Carson and empathize with him, but also see him stand up for himself and be confident. Taking charge of the situation. I want him to get back up when he gets pushed down. He's going to encounter these issues as he grows up and walks through life. It's so important that I've been able to establish good communication with him and that he will come to me when he has an issue. It does have to be on his terms, but when he does talk, I can help him.
I had no idea the JK would be bringing up such tough topics such as bullying. It's been a very emotional and overwhelming couple of months here for us, but we're getting through this together,getting stronger and more united as a family.
