JK Struggles: Follow Up

My previous post was all about Carson not wanting to go to school. At the time, I didn't know what the real reason was. I did some digging and had several conversations with Carson around bedtime. Eventually, he told me that some boys were bothering him at recess. He told me that one boy was punching him in the stomach and another was hitting him on his back. He said he ran away really fast to get a teacher. My heart broke. The reason he didn't want to go to school was because he was feeling bullied!

There was also another more innocent incident which he talked to me about. He plays with lots of boys at recess and they play a "chase superhero game". He said that he didn't like always being the villain. I talked to him about that too and told him that he needed to talk to the other boys and ask them to stop calling him that. I understand that maybe he felt "ganged up on", even though it was just a game and possibly not being said in a malicious way.

The next day, after talking to him about expressing his feelings and setting boundaries, Carson told the boys to stop calling him the villain. That was that. He was fine about going to school. No issues again until the punching and hitting incident.

My biggest issue was that I didn't know about it at first. Carson told me the morning of school and was very upset and didn't want to go. I had no idea why until it came out. Why didn't the teachers think I should know that my son was being punched and hit at recess? Obviously this would create some anxiety around wanting to go to school. This whole environment is so new to Carson. He did attend preschool last year 2 days a week and it was 2 1/2 hours. Preschool was so much different that 5 FULL days a week. It's a lot for his age, in my opinion. It's also new to me in that I've lost control of knowing what he's up every day. I am not expecting to get a full report on every single thing he did, including bathroom trips, but when something physical happens to my child, I would like to know. I always ask Carson about school and make time to connect with him each night, but he didn't tell me about the incident until 8am when we were getting ready for school the day after it happened. That was really surprising to me. I did speak with the teacher to tell her I'd like a heads up next time.

 All of these new situations and feelings are good for him to experience.I want to equip him with the tools to deal with them himself. I have no desire to keep him home and shelter him from being hurt. It's part of life. He needs to learn how to deal with the issues himself. Avoiding them would not help him. Even when it hurts my heart more than I expected, it's what parenthood is about. Our job is to provide our children with values and then we need to send them out into the world and help to guide them through the ups and downs that life throws at them. Sometimes our job as parents means we miss out on the fun stuff and have to do the hard work. I truly have felt some bitterness over this fact over the last 2-3 months, but I know that I am his parent and part of that responsibility isn't about making sure he's happy 24/7. If he hates me most days, it must mean I'm doing something right! {Evil Laugh}

Personally, I was bullied a lot as a young kid. From elementary school until the end of high school. It made me upset and emotional to see him so upset and hurt. I know too well the feeling of being bullied. Of course I want to go punch the other boys in the head and protect my baby from them, but that is not going to be the appropriate method of handling anything!!! 

I'm learning so much more about Carson now that he's in school. He can be sensitive at times (just like me!!) and he is now learning how to handle those feelings. He also doesn't do very well with sudden changes. For example, if his regular teacher isn't in the school yard in the mornings, he cries and doesn't want to go to school. I've had to talk him through it and eventually he goes, but it's challenging. However, instead of letting him stay home from school when he says he doesn't want to go, I push him to be brave and adapt to someone new or different. I try to be patient and calm, but it's very stressful at times and for those reading this who know me well, patience doesn't come naturally to me. Thankfully, there are way too many other parents around for me to loose my cool and freak out. It's a good way for me to practice my calm side, because it DOES exist if I try hard enough.

  I know that this is a very minor incident and it hasn't happened again, but it was a great learning lesson for all of us. I'm so glad that I was able to talk with Carson and empathize with him, but also see him stand up for himself and be confident. Taking charge of the situation. I want him to get back up when he gets pushed down. He's going to encounter these issues as he grows up and walks through life. It's so important that I've been able to establish good communication with him and that he will come to me when he has an issue. It does have to be on his terms, but when he does talk, I can help him. 

I had no idea the JK would be bringing up such tough topics such as bullying. It's been a very emotional and overwhelming couple of months here for us, but we're getting through this together,getting stronger and more united as a family.

The Best Laid Plans

I feel like my new job is making plans with people. Yes, you know who you are. We are constantly sending messages back and forth and trying to set up a time and place to have a play date. It takes days to figure it out and then last minute, some sort of excuse comes up that we can't hang out. The baby is sick, the baby is cranky, I'm sick, nap schedules aren't synced, the list goes on.... None of these cancelled plans are anyone's fault. It's not like we all don't try to hang out, it just never happens easily with an 11 month old. Oh, how I miss when Carson was just a lump and could go almost anywhere easily. It's about to get crazier now because he's just about walking!!

So, sometimes my weeks seem like they are going to be so full of plans with friends, then most of the time the plans fall through. Most of the time it's because our kids have to nap so much! Why do babies need to sleep 3-4 hours a day?? I'm sure when Carson stops napping I will miss it and just be even busier.

Being pregnant I thought I'd have so much time to spend with other Mom's and be able to meet new friends. Yeah right! My days are all spent doing dishes, laundry, cleaning bathrooms and changing 10 diapers or more. I can't forget about our poor dog Arlo either. He needs walks. We STILL don't have our backyard fenced in so he needs to be walked on a leash. That is a half an hour event in itself.

I guess this post is sort of a general complaint (sorry about that ,I'm sure it's not all that inspiring to any future-Mom's reading this). The reality of being a stay-at-home- Mom is that it can get very monotonous. It's pretty sad when most of my socializing is with a computer! Not my thing really. I'm used to interacting with humans! I'm sure the ladies at Belly Laughs hate when I come in. They must think:"Oh no, not this girl again. She's going to talk to me for 15 minutes about nothing!"

Even though this life of mine sounds crazy and stressful (it can be at times!) I have Carson to keep me going every day. He makes me laugh and is the centre of my existence(Austin and Arlo too!). I wouldn't have it any other way. I have learned to just find pleasure in what my life is and have learned to love my own life. I can't find happiness from others. I've had to learn to find it from myself and from the family I have created.

Back To Work

When Austin and I first met and had all those crazy discussions about life and our future together, one thing we talked about was kids. We both said that we wanted to be there for our kids as much as possible.

 Austin and I both were fortunate to have wonderful Mother's who stayed at home with us most of our lives. We grew up with a Mom there whenever we needed her. A Mom to send us off to school and be there when we got home. We both agreed that we wanted the same thing for our own children one day.

One day is here!! After months of thinking and talking about what I'm going to do about going back to work I've decided to go back part-time. I know we will be giving up certain things.. wait, we already have! We don't go out, we don't buy fancy things and we aren't moving into a massive house anytime soon. We want to enjoy growing our family and be able to afford things here and there. We can make it work, we just need to pinch pennies.. wait, we already do! 


The cost of daycare compared to my income and the amount of time I would be away from my baby was just not worth it. Nothing would get done around the house and I would be exhausted. I'm not sure how other Mother's do it.

Going back to work part-time is what is going to work for me (I think!). A great opportunity close to home has come up and I have my interview today. I'm excited and nervous about going back to work. I've been hanging around in Mommy-land for 10 months now and have no idea what is going on in the banking world.  Wonder how many new Visa products have been rolled out? Lots of catching up to do.

Fortunately, we found a great care provider just around the corner and we have had a couple play dates so far. I know this adjustment is going to be harder on me than it will be on Carson. Lately, every time I give him his bottle and put him down for his nap, I almost cry thinking that I won't be around as much soon.

I know it's normal and every Mom goes through this. I'm worried about how well he will nap at daycare, if he's going to miss me, if he will get hurt by other kids (it's happened before under my own watch!), if I will be able to handle another role.... the list goes on.

Some good news is that my old work pants fit! They may not fix exactly the same way, but they fit and I don't have a muffin top.(woo hoo!) I know everyone will be looking to see how well I've "bounced back" from having a baby and gaining 60 pounds right? People do stare at my tummy to see the damage. I feel like just lifting up my shirt and showing them! Might not be appropriate in a professional environment though right? I will have to remind myself that I'm not at home anymore in my Mommy pants! 

So much to think about, but I know I can handle this. I've handled a lot this past year. I can do it and so can Carson. Change is good, I'm going to embrace it!

He'll Make You Pay!

Lately I've been trying to mess with Carson's naps to try and actually have a life. People think stay-at-home Mom's just stay at home all day and have all this time to sit around and smell the roses. Not quite. When I was expecting Carson I was one of those people who thought stay-at-home Mom's had so much time to get laundry, cooking and cleaning done. I was excited about having time to keep an organized house and thought I'd have it all together. Fast forward almost a year and our house looks like a disaster almost every day. The thing is, I never stop cleaning and everything still looks a mess!

Why is this happening? I guess here's what an average day looks like for me. 

6-630am- Carson wakes up 
7am- we play and eat breakfast
830-9am- Carson has a nap
10-1030am- Carson wakes up from his nap
1030am-12pm- my opportunity to do an errand or meet up with a friend
Noon- Carson eats lunch
1230-1pm- Carson's afternoon nap
230-3pm- Carson wakes up
4pm- Carson's dinner
6pm- Carson's bathtime
7pm- Carson's bedtime

Basically, my life revolves around Carson's naps. I'm stuck in the house otherwise. I do dishes 2-3 times a day. I have to shower while he naps or else he gets into all the cupboards in the bathroom or tries to eat toilet paper and rip down the shower curtain. (such a boy!)

I tried to have Carson nap at a friends house the other week and he wasn't having any of that. There was no way he was going to sleep somewhere else. So, I had to drive him home. All I wanted was some time to relax with a friend while he napped. Her baby is on the same sleep schedule as Carson so we figured it would be fine. Carson didn't think so.

 I sure paid for that. It took 2 whole days for Carson to start sleeping normally again. It was like going backwards. I was a mess about it. I felt like it was my fault for trying to do something different. I get about an hour of time to spend out of the house and then I have to go home, feed Carson his lunch and put him down for a nap. I just wanted more time to enjoy my friend and eat lunch without listening to my baby cry or worry about him getting into something or having him throw food at me while I try to eat.

The same thing happened when I took him to my parents. He had a great 2 hour morning nap, then only slept for 40 minutes in the afternoon. I didn't get home until 7pm (which is reasonable right??) and he didn't end up going to bed until almost 9pm! Teething may be the culprit here. He's just been so sensitive to sleep. I can't get away with anything. No fun for Mommy! 


It's frustrating, exhausting, stressful and tiring. I'm going to have to start having people come visit me from now on. Until Carson outgrows his morning nap, I have to accept that I have very limited time to accomplish my mountain of never ending chores, errands and every day life stuff (like having a shower or remembering to brush my teeth!).

I guess the moral of this story is that no matter what, Carson has to come first.  This baby will not let me change anything. He knows routine, he knows his bed and he wants his way or else he'll make you pay!