"That Mom"

I have a confession, I'm becoming "that Mom". I've either been out on my own at night when the kids are asleep or out during the day with them both and been caught looking a little frumpy.

No shower. No make up. Caught!

Before embarking on my journey as a Mother I always said:"I'm never going to look like that Mom. I'm going to keep up with myself."

Well my friends, the day has come, I've done it, I've started to just not care as much what people think. I can be seen periodically looking like "that Mom".

Let's talk about what "that Mom" means. It's the Mom who didn't shower because she was too busy feeding her baby and fighting with her 3 year old to get dressed. Knowing she only had 2 hours before the next feeding or nap for the baby, she had to just go out without a shower or else she'd just use the entire time showering and then have to breastfeed again and never leave the house.

The Mom that didn't brush her hair. For me, my hair is falling out big time at the moment. Handfuls upon handfuls are just all over the house, the shower, the sink, the bathroom, my clothes, probably in our food. It's crazy. Postpartum hair loss is another one of those things no one really tells you about. So yes, my hair is half gone now so it doesn't look great down or up. I just have to live with it. She also probably didn't brush it because she could hear her 3 year old being way too quiet in the bathroom, walked in and discovered 2 empty tubes of toothpaste! Seriously.. kids are nuts. That's what I get for asking him to brush his own teeth. I later found out that they weren't full, but still... that can't be good for him. At least I buy the fluoride free stuff. 

The Mom who is wearing yoga pants--all the time. So ya, I wear my only 2 pairs of pants that I can fit in most of the time. They're stretchy enough to make me comfy and tight enough to hold in the mummy tummy. I'm sure 85% of women who just had a baby don't want to put on pants with buttons and zippers. Hello muffin top! No thanks. I just don't feel like spending money on clothes to fit this body because I don't plan on it sticking around for long. However, I just need to be comfortable enough to keep up to a busy toddler and lug around a 50 pound car seat at the same time. Bum wiping, bathroom cleaning, vacuuming, cooking too, it's all hard work, equally as hard or harder than a workout some days, so why can't I wear workout clothes?

The Mom who isn't even wearing make-up. That's right, if I don't have time to shower, how would I have time to wear make-up? The thing is, I probably should be making the time to wear some because my eyes are just so tired looking these days. I actually have dark circles now. Lack of sleep does some crazy stuff. Sometimes I think it might be leftover mascara from another day, so I try to use more make-up remover and nothing changes. Darn. 

The Mom who has puke on her shirt. Yep. Me. I showed up to nursery school pick-up the other week with fresh puke on my shirt. I just wiped it off with my hand/sleeve and ran out the door. I was already cutting it close on time and didn't want to be late. Of course I changed the baby's clothes. Most people pay more attention to him anyway.. thankfully! haha!

The thing I realized about all of this, which had me laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks and I think my husband was starting to think I was going crazy,  because I was SO tired one evening was, I just don't even care.

I don't care. People can judge, just as I did prior to kids, but now that I'm deep into it all, I know that my appearance on these days is a reflection of me being a great Mom, a Mom who is putting my kids first before myself, a Mom who rolls around on the basement carpet with my son and isn't afraid to be silly, a Mom who kisses my baby so much my lips hurt, a Mom who is passionate about being a Mom. That is all that matters. I'm doing a good job and doing my best to take care of my family. My hair will grow back, my belly will shrink and I will eventually find more time to pamper myself, but right now, I just want to focus on my kids and make sure they are a priority too.

 I should note that I do take time for myself to stay healthy. I have a great supportive husband that almost forces me to go to hot yoga or the gym to find my own balance. I know I need that to continue to be a great Mom, I'm just talking more about the vanity side. I don't look at other Mom's the same way I used to anymore. I see now how easy it can be to get caught up in the days and weeks and months. It's hard to fit it all in and look perfect while doing it all. I also see how much of an achievement it really is to put on make-up and shower before leaving the house with 2 small kids. It's hard!

My boys!

Today my 3 year old son told me: " Your hair is beautiful Mommy." That made my day. He has loved me at 198 pounds, at 138 pounds and many other numbers in between. I am still me. My kids don't need me to wear fancy clothes and make-up. They need me to be their Mom. I'm not saying I don't care what I look like and am just letting myself go. I'm just putting it all into perspective. Instead of worrying about applying make-up before leaving the house, I read books, sing songs, make healthy breakfast together or play imaginative games with my kids. Those are the things that really matter, not what I look like.

I'm proud to be "that Mom"... even the one who forgot to shave her legs! ooops!

Baby H and his Red Face

When Harrison was born he had the cutest softest cheeks ever. Then at about 6 or 7 weeks he developed baby acne. This then turned into red dry patches on his skin. Almost like eczema. At Harrison's 8 week appointment at the doctor, she said to use mineral oil and as long as it wasn't bothering him, it's probably nothing.

Of course, the typical Mother that I am, I first think it's something I must be eating. Blaming myself and thinking maybe I should stop eating dairy or maybe it's wheat (which I barley eat anyway, but still could be causing an issue right?). The doctor said not to change anything, it wasn't my fault. Good, I wasn't causing it. Now I need to figure out how to fix it. The mission began...

I tried the mineral oil out and it was so oily. I also learned that it was a by product of petroleum, yes, gas. Just as bad as Vaseline. I didn't feel good putting that on my tiny baby's head. I tried using coconut oil as well and it was also too greasy.It didn't seem to be doing anything either. 

So, why not try nipple cream? Why not right? I didn't use much this time around anyway. Breastfeeding baby number 2 proved much easier... so, I had some from Belly Laughs made my the Matter Company.

I used the nipple cream 4 times a day and it seemed to keep his face from getting worse and started to clear it up. It was still a bit greasy and I wasn't noticing any huge improvements. So I came across a local skincare line called Eco Chic Movement made here in Ottawa. I used the Baby Face Cream and within just 2 application under 24 hours, his face was 90% clear. I was overjoyed! After weeks of trying to battle the skin issue, it was finally over. A couple more days of using the cream and Harrison's face is as soft as ever. The cream is great and I feel good using it on him. There isn't a harsh fragrance and it soaks into his skin leaving it looking great and feeling soft.

I'm looking forward to trying more products soon. The prices are also economical. Considering the money I spent of oils and other creams, I could have bought 5 jars of the Baby Face Cream!! Now you know :) Cheers to soft baby cheeks!

Update: Craziest Summer Ever!

Wow, I haven't posted a thing since April. That's crazy. We've had a lot going on since then. We decided to put our house up for sale and buy a new one all while I was about to have a second baby. It sounded like such a great idea until things started being real. Real as in, having to keep a house spotless, and I mean spotless for 2 weeks worth of showings. Oh ya, as if that wasn't hard enough, we thought we could sell our house on our own without a Realtor. We were insane! We somehow managed to pull it all off. We ended up buying the house we really wanted in the perfect neighbourhood to raise a young family. Everything worked out in the end, but getting to the point of feeling "normal" was not easy. Moving post c-section was hard with a 3 week old. Do I even need to explain the stress? We had little help (those who helped were amazing and we thank you all!) so it wasn't easy for my husband to basically pack up our entire life and throw it in two portable storage units all on his own. We ended up homeless for about 2 weeks. I felt so useless and had never seen my husband that stressed out before. 

We are now settled in and loving our new house. It was the most stressful thing we ever did, but it was 100% worth it. We're never ever, ever, ever moving AGAIN! At least not until the boys are big enough to help! 

Harrison was born June 2, 2014. Everything went perfect during the c-section and I was in heaven with my new baby... until the drugs wore off. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I said I would be ok on my own all night while my husband went home with our oldest son. I've always been horrible at accepting help from others or even asking for it. I didn't think I would need it. I made the night nurse work extra hard! I'm sure they were annoyed with me by the third night. I was so happy to be home and I was also glad that my recovery went much quicker than I thought it would.I really think staying so active during my pregnancy helped. I still over did it some days and that was hard, but I listened to my body and I'm not right back into the swing of things.

Since April Carson has grown up so much. He has become a big brother. What a great big brother he is. It's been so amazing seeing his connection to Harrison. He's even already started calling him "Harry". Before Harrison was born I was worried about that becoming his nickname, but it's grown on me. It's cute. I'm very grateful that Carson loves his baby brother. Yes, there are moments he has also thrown a monster truck at his head, but that's life. That's what siblings do.I know there will be many more of these moments over the years. I grew up with 2 other siblings and I remember many arguments and fights. It's just part of family.

We didn't do much for vacation or holidays in general this year. With moving expenses we're pretty tapped out financially. Some years we just have to give up vacation. The stress of traveling with a baby and a toddler would NOT be vacation to us. We're much more comfortable at home. My husband was off for 9 weeks once Harrison was born. He spent most of the time moving us into our new house and playing with Carson while I was with Harrison. We tried to do some family outings and spent as much time together as we could. I really miss him being off now that he's back at work. Dealing with 2 kids for 10-12 hours alone is long some days. I'm not going to lie, I've cracked open the wine before 4pm some days! What a difference wine can make! Wow.

September is here and is bringing even more changes to our lives. Carson starts preschool this week! It's only 2 days a week for 3 hours in the mornings, but I'm just in shock that this is his last year at home with me full-time. He has grown into such an independent little man. He's extremely social. I know he's going to just love nursery school. We went to meet the teachers last week and were there for over an hour. He didn't even want to leave and didn't care where I was. He's so ready.

I've also signed him up for swimming lessons on Monday mornings. This time he'll be going in the pool alone without a parent. This is a big step for any kid. Austin has been taking him for the past 3-4 sessions and he's never gone alone. I know he can do it and this will be a very good thing for him, but still, he needs to stop growing so quickly! He barley lets me hug him anymore. He's only 3. It's true what people say, they really do grow up too fast. This is why I'm trying my hardest, and sometimes my hardest fails when it's a bad day, to really enjoy these days. I know they are the best days of my life and I'll miss having these little kids in my life when they're towering over me one day with facial hair.. I don't even want to think of that yet!

Overall, this summer has flown by! We've spent most of it pretty stressed out adjusting to many changes. I'm glad that fall is upon us and a new routine is being established with both the boys. We're enjoying being a family of 4 very much. Every day is a new adventure which sometimes brings it's struggles. Those struggles and challenges make me a stronger person. I learn from it all!

I'm hoping to make this a bit more of a regular thing. Thanks for being patient with my long update :)

"I want to see my baby brother!"

Over the past few weeks as my belly has been rapidly expanding, Carson has taken a huge interest in talking to his baby brother. When he wakes up in the morning, he comes into our room and wants to sing to his brother and see him. I have to admit, it really is the sweetest thing. The connection they already have as brothers is so unique. 

When the baby kicks and moves, Carson likes to see that too. I'm glad that Carson is old enough to experience this with me. He seems to understand what's going on. I've always tried to explain things to him as much as I can. We want to include him in this experience as much as possible. I've made a point not to be constantly talking about the baby. I never want Carson to feel like he's being replaced or not as special as the new baby. Everything he's doing is on his own accord. That's what makes is so amazing to me. As a parent expecting the unexpected is something that I do often. Carson constantly says and does things I can't believe. 

He touches the baby and says he loves his baby brother. He sings songs to him and shares his food and toys with him. I just hope that it all continues when the baby is actually here in a few more weeks. 

These are some of the special moments as a Mother, I'll never forget and always cherish. I'm very greatful for the gifts I've been given. 

Learning to Slow Down.... sort of...

I went to the gym on the weekend and did BodyAttack. About half way through, my round ligament started to feel tight. I tried to take the low options to take a bit of a break from the jumping, but it's so hard to just slow down and be the only one not doing the full workout. I still took it somewhat easy from that point on, but I didn't enjoy the rest of the class one bit. I kept thinking of the pain I was feeling. I didn't want to just leave the class. The pain would just go away right?

It's not in my nature to "slack off", especially when it comes to workouts. My body was telling me to stop though and I didn't listen to it. A huge sign that maybe being 26 weeks pregnant is a good time to start modifying my workouts a teeny tiny bit.

After the class in the change room, another Mom approached me and told me that she regretted not slowing down sooner. She said she worked out too long and ended up having a harder time getting back into her routine after her second baby. She told me that as soon as I start to feel any type of pain, to just stop doing those types of exercises. 

I thought it was really nice of her to reach out to me this way. Even though I had already came to this realization, I don't know if I would have stopped the class entirely unless she told me her story.I would call that denial. I did the same thing last Spring when I hurt my foot. I was in pain, but just kept doing high impact workouts. Well, I ended up tearing a muscle in my arch. I'm still not 100% back to normal. I really am that stubborn when it comes to my workout regime. I like to push myself to my limits and won't accept anything less or I feel like I've "failed".

I'm growing a precious life inside my body and I haven't been even close to doing anything that would put him or myself at risk. Prior to this pregnancy my fitness level was advanced and very used to all the things I am doing to it now. Just because I was used to it and have felt good up until this weekend, doesn't mean I should just keep going this hard every week. I need to slow down...

My problem is just accepting that I need to change what I'm doing now. I need to understand that I won't balloon up like a whale just because I stop killing myself in BodyAttack class. I need to treat myself better.

What is most important now is that I have energy to take care of Carson and that I don't injure myself. I also work 3-4 times a week and need to be able to function there. I only have 3 more months. All of these body changes are only temporary and I haven't gained even half of what I did with Carson at this point. Instead of always looking at the negative, I need to start being happy with what I've achieved. I need to say goodbye to tuck jumps and plyo lunges and hello to a new routine. My body is an amazing thing. My body is growing a human begin and it's doing a great job so far. I need to nurture my body more. Go to a prenatal yoga class. I need to stop trying to push myself so hard and let go of my fear of "being fat" so that I can just enjoy the rest of this pregnancy. I need to embrace my body and the wonderful things it's doing to give me another baby to love and hold. I need to stop comparing myself to the other perfect girls at the gym who aren't pregnant. I am beautiful too.

I need to just stop fighting with myself. I love being pregnant and I'm so excited to meet this baby. I'm doing a great job with my nutrition and keeping as active as I can. Now it's time to also relax more and love myself. I can do this.

Big Boy Room

We've had Carson's big boy room painted and pretty much put together for over 6 months now. Making the change to his new room felt like an impossible task. I had many concerns about changing things too soon. With all the sleep problems we've gone through in the past, I just wanted to leave things the way they were.

Our bedtime routine has always started with a bath, followed by pj's and books in our bed. By books, I mean 5+ books. I do enjoy spending that special time with Carson. Books are such an important part of development and learning. My parents saved all the books that they read to me and my 2 siblings and it's amazing to be able to share those same moments with my son now. Thanks Mom and Dad for saving those books for me and for spending so much time with me too when I was little. 

After all the books are read and thrown off the bed (we had to stop this one too... oh boys are just crazy!), Carson turned on his turtle to see the moon and stars and said good night to Daddy. Then I rocked him in his chair and sung various songs. I loved this time with him. Sometimes he's be a bit hyper and kicked me a lot. That was starting to get uncomfortable with the baby growing in my belly, but I still held onto the fact that he was my baby still and I didn't want to let go. 

With the potty training being so successful and the issues we were having with him calling us back into his room at bedtime, we figured that we should move him to his new room. We do need time to get ready for his little brother's arrival in three months time.

We told him that he was going to sleep in his new big boy room in the morning and made a big deal about it all day. He seemed very excited. We hung up some of the pictures and changed the bedding again since our dog Arlo has been using it as his bed over the past few months. 

We bathed him and put his pj's on him in his new room. We had moved everything in the new room. Even the books. He kept saying he was going to sleep in his new room. When I had spent about 25 minutes reading books, I told him it was his last book. He still wanted more. I figured he was just a little nervous about a new room, so I read him about 2 more books. Then he turned on his turtle and turned off his light. I tucked him in and he wanted some songs. After a lot of songs, I left. I sat outside in the hall and waited. This day he didn't nap, so we thought he would be really tired out. He asked for me again, so I went back to sing to him again. I went back to the hall and waited.

Sure enough, he got out of the bed and came out crying saying he wanted his crib. He was really upset. I hugged him and tried to calm him down. We both talked to him and told him what a big boy he was. We told him how much more room he'll have in his new room. We also said that his new baby brother needs the crib and that he wasn't a baby anymore. He calmed down and we tucked him back in and I sang even more songs. Then he went to sleep and slept for 12 hours without a peep!

The next two nights were a bit harder. One night he woke up 3 times just saying he needed me. I had to just sing to him and then he was fine, but I was getting pretty burnt out. He also fell out of the bed twice one night. I just had to put him back in and he went back to sleep, but it was still exhausting. I learned to pull the sheets a lot tighter and tuck them into the mattress. He hasn't fallen out since.

So, it's been over a week now and Carson has been sleeping through the night for almost 12 hours in his new room. He wakes up by himself and comes into our room, sometimes without pants on because he has to pee! 

What a relief! In 3 weeks, Carson went from sleeping in a crib and wearing diapers to real underwear and a big boy bed! Crazy. I never would have believed anyone if they told me it would have been this simple. We had a couple challenges, but from what I've heard from other parents, we've had it pretty easy.

I haven't had a lot of time to reflect on these huge changes. I know people always say that kids grow up so quick, but it's true. Carson will be 3 years old in June. So much has changed. We've passed through some major milestones. I really owe a lot to my amazing husband too. We're a good team together and I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else. He's always there to support me and help me. We talk about everything that goes on and how to deal with any challenge we're faced with. I believe communicating and working together as parents really makes a difference. 

One other new thing is that we decided to take away naptime. Once we did that, Carson fell asleep much easier and slept longer at night. It means less fighting with him to get to bed. There were many nights that he still was awake at 9-930 and that was way too late. He would still wake up at 6-630am... way too early! Now bedtime is before 8 and he's waking up around 7-730. Perfect :)  Austin and I have more down time and are getting to bed earlier and I get to sleep in more or get up and have some time to myself if I need it. 

All these changes were so scary a few months ago, but everything has happened easily. I'm so impressed with Carson and how independent he is. He will always be my baby and I already miss our cuddles in his rocking chair, but I will never ever forget those precious moments we shared.

Hurray for Potty Time!

When Carson was around 19 months, he showed an interest in going on a potty while we were in Dominican on vacation. I instantly went out and bought him his own little potty when we came home. He used it from time to time and liked it, but it wasn't consistent. When we asked him if he had to pee or if he wanted to go on the potty, he'd always say no. We didn't push it... too much. We did leave him without a diaper during the summer sometimes and he would pee on purpose on the carpet and thought it was funny. He wasn't ready for sure! We eventually just let it go and knew that when he was ready to use the toilet we would know.

A year later and he was still in diapers. I was getting really tired of chasing around a 32 pound boy and changing really disgusting poopy diapers. He also had started taking off his diapers at bedtime and throwing them out of his crib. Things were just not going well. We'd have to go in multiple times to put the diaper back on.  My husband and I were slowly going crazy. There's something so stressful about sleep. We had issues with Carson from 4 months to about 11 and every time some sort of challenge appears, we just loose it. I'm just being honest. It's the most frustrating thing I've ever gone through. We knew something had to change. 

So, one weekend we just decided to take the diapers away and use pull ups. Previously, if he had the choice, he always wanted his diaper and not a pull up.  It took him about 10 seconds to rip the pull up off. This left us with no choice but to go right to his big boy underwear, or nothing around the house. The entire weekend was just basically Carson running around with no pants on. He had a handful of accidents over 3 days. 

When he did have an accident, we took him to the potty and said this is where he should go. He tried to finish his pee there and negotiated with us for a potty candy. I gave in and gave him one just for finishing his pee there.
 
As far as how we decided to motivate Carson to want to pee and poop on the potty, we used a candy jar. I did choose to buy organic jelly beans and zoo animals. At least there wasn't any food colouring. Still, a lot of sugar, but it worked!If he didn't ask for a potty candy, we just didn't give him one. He got the zoo animals for poops. He always wanted 2 jelly beans too. He's a good little negotiator already! haha! I told him that once the jar was gone, there was no more potty candy. He didn't get upset or ask for more candy once it was gone. Another surprise to me.

That same weekend, I had plans with a friend of mine that involved me bringing Carson. Great, in the middle of potty training and someone else's house! I was just hoping for the best. When we got to her house, I showed him his potty seat and where the bathroom was. I told him to tell me when he had to use the potty. After about an hour, he told me he had to pee. He ended up doing a pee and a poop. I can't believe how excited I was about this!! I pretty much danced in the bathroom! My friend had a cupboard full of different treats, so Carson got something special for this. It was such a big deal to me that he went at someone else's house and told me about it. Especially the poop. That was his first poop on the potty.  Later that afternoon, he did have a small accident in his underwear. Another tiny poop. I didn't get mad at him. He was trying to come back up the stairs to get me. Nature just called... 

One morning, about 5 days into this whole change, I was getting him ready to go to the gym and wanted him to wear a pull up, he refused. I kept him in underwear and brought lots of clothes with me in case he had an accident. I was so nervous!! This was the first moment in his life that I've had to let go of control and trust him to lead the way. I had no idea if he was going to actually tell me or the girls at the daycare if he had to pee. 

I set up my bike for spin class with him and brought him to daycare. I think I asked him 20 times if he had to pee. A little paranoid. I just knew how much water he had before we left. I showed him where the bathroom was and who to ask to use it while I was in the spin room. He seemed to understand, but I had no idea what was going to happen.

I went back to pick him up with sweat still dripping all over me. I was so anxious about how things went. He surprised me, no accidents! So, I asked him if he had to pee again. He said he did. I took him to the bathroom and once we sat on the big toilet he said he didn't have to anymore. I had promised him a visit to Toys R' Us if he had no accidents, so I had to follow through with that.

Off we went. I was still very paranoid that he was going to have an accident, and this time at a store! I tried to make him pee, but he said he didn't have to. I showed him the bathroom, but all he wanted to do was go play with all the cars. After 30 minutes I convinced him to leave by bribing him with a cupcake treat. We made it all the way home with no accidents. 

Ever since this day, he has been in underwear and has maybe had a few dribbles of pee when he's really had to go. I can't believe how easy it was. Yes, it was more to think about for the first few times, but once I realized that he was going to tell me when he had to pee, I was able to relax and trust him. 

The other thing that has surprised us is how much he loves to poop on the potty. He's so proud of himself and likes to see it. Hahaa! Boys will be boys...

We have night time pull ups for bedtime. At first, he didn't even want to wear those, but now it's fine. He took them off too and said they hurt him. We just told him that all big kids need to wear these at night in case they need to pee. Eventually, he was ok with it and didn't fuss. 

I still can't believe it only took a few days to really say that we're confident leaving him in underwear. A few accidents at home and that was it. It's so much easier!! Especially not using the little potty. He's even graduated to the big toilet at home with his potty seat. No more wiping out poop... gross..  Going out has been great too. Carson will always tell me when he has to go potty and we've had no accidents. I'm so happy that this whole transition was easier than we expected. We didn't even read a thing about potty training. We just went with it. 

NO MORE DIAPERS!!! We have a few months to save that money until baby boy comes in June :)

I love Green Drinks!!!

We try hard to offer Carson a variety of healthy vegatables and food each day. 80% of the time, he doesn't like it!! Toddlers are so picky!! One thing Carson does get excited about is green drinks. Pure green veggies and a bit of fruit. 

I started making these January 2013. The last few months I've been "lazy" and haven't made them. He helped me make a fresh batch and devoured his:)

Here's the recipe:

http://m.plantoeat.com/recipes/288211

Fit and Pregnant the 2nd Time Around { + my go to snack recipe }

I want to start by talking about what I thought about working out while I was pregnant with Carson... I was very cautious. I remember being about 6 weeks pregnant going to a Body Attack class with a friend and the entire time thinking that the tiny egg was bouncing around in my uterus. My boobs were so sore too, so that was the last time I did that class my entire pregnancy. I stuck to RPM and Body Pump only. I gave up Body Pump at about 23 weeks because I had gained over 20 pounds and my lower back was sore.  I went on to gain 60 pounds taking me to a weight of 200lbs!!! 

After I had Carson, the weight certainly didn't magically disappear. I remember going to my 6 week check up at the doctor and almost having a melt down because I was still 194lbs. I did have a c-section, but still, I was under the impression that once the baby came out, the weight came off. Was I ever wrong.

It took me about 18-20 months to loose ALL the weight.  It was so much work and the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Trying to find time to workout while having a new baby was hard. I eventually gave up on leaving the house too many times a week and worked out a lot at home. Jillian Michaels is my hero! 

So, that's a brief background of what I struggled through. I also made huge changes in how my family eats as well. I learned a lot by following Hol:Fit. 

Being pregnant again was so exciting, but I instantly became anxious about gaining weight again. I was at my healthiest weight and felt super strong. I just didn't want to throw all my hard work away. I knew there had to be a way to do this better the second time. I talked with my doctor to make sure she knew how intense my workouts were and made sure it was ok to continue my current routine throughout the first trimester. I was given the approval so I kept up with everything for about 2 weeks. I had some light spotting which freaked me right out. I decided that I had to stop all exercise until I knew everything was ok with the baby. We had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and the heart rate was great and everything else was normal. I was still nervous. The spotting eventually stopped. It only lasted for 10 days, but it was scary. Once it had stopped long enough, I started easing my way back into my fitness routine. Between workouts at home and the gym, I got back to where I was. 

Now, I'm almost 22 weeks and feeling amazing! I've only gained 10 pounds and am feeling very strong. Three main pieces of advice have helped me get to where I am now:

{1} Brace your abs. It's like giving a hug to your baby

      I for sure let my abs go very early with Carson. I was scared to suck it in thinking I wouldn't be giving him enough room to grow. What was wrong with me?? 

{2} Listen to your body. If you were doing it before you were pregnant, it's ok to elevate your heart rate and push yourself. As long as you don't feel like you need a nap after your workout, you didn't push yourself too hard. 

     With Carson, I was much more concerned about heart rate. I remember it took literally nothing to be at 140. I ended up not really enjoying my spin classes because I was so worried about being breathless and thinking I was going to make my baby stupid by depriving him of oxygen. I can tell you now, he's a very smart boy, I didn't need to worry SO MUCH!

{3} Do not eat for TWO!!! Just keep eating what you ate before and even when you're working out, just make sure you're drinking lots of water and having balanced meals with healthy proteins and veggies.

      This is HUGE for me. I ate like a pig with Carson. Yes, he turned out healthy, but I think he would have regardless. Eating 90 grams of protein a day was crazy. I ate 2-3 bowls of cereal for breakfast too. I'm pretty sure that's part of the weight gain issue. Pancakes and sausages too on weekends... ya, that was the issue.. 

Following those 3 tips have really helped me to feel this great. I've also added an extra component and have been focused on upper back strength. Something I've been weak with anyway. It's made a huge difference to hammer out a few sets of assisted chin ups and rows before or after a cardio class at the gym. It's helping me compensate for my bigger boobs and belly :) 

Overall, this pregnancy has been so much easier because I know what I'm doing this time. I'm more aware of my body and what's ok and what's also not ok. I'm determined to keep the weight gain down, but I'm also ok with gaining some weight. I know that's part of the whole journey. I'm a happier person when I'm active as well. My husband knows when I need a workout!! There are so many benefits to keeping active during pregnancy. I'm so grateful that I have the time and energy to keep up with my fitness. 

Here's my favourite EASY snack recipe. I stole this from Hol:Fit. this makes enough for an entire week for 2-3 people. I freeze them wrapped individually for an easy grab and go snack :) ENJOY!

Mix all the wet ingredients together first in a large bowl. Then add all the dry ingredients and mix well. Use a glass baking dish and line with parchment paper. Spread mixture into bowl. Pop in the freezer for about an hour. Take out and cut into squares. YUM!

• 1 ripe banana mashed {or 4 dates pureed with water to make paste)
• 2 tbsp Coconut oil melt in micro for 10 sec
• 1 tsp Vanilla Extract
• 1/4 c Maple Syrup
• 1/2 c Peanut Butter (or any nut butter i.e. almond, pecan, cashew, etc.)
• 1.5 c Oats {I use 1/2 c or more quinoa flakes}
• 1/2 c Shredded Coconut
• 1/2 c Raisins (or goji berries, date chunks, cranberries, craisins, dried cherries/mangoes/apricots/etc. Any dried fruit or SEEDS
• 1/2 c Chocolate Chips & Cacao nibs mixed
• 4 scoops Natural Whey Protein Powder
• 2 Tbsp Flax Seeds
• 2 Tbsp Hemp Seeds
• 1.5 Tsp Cinnamon

I'll Love You Forever

Each night after Carson gets his books, we cuddle in his rocking chair. I've sung this one little song for a long time, but over Christmas time he wanted Frosty, then Santa Claus is Coming to Town. I was tired of the Christmas songs and started to just sing the words of the book: "I'll Love You Forever".  

Yes, I memorized the whole book since I've read it so much!

Since Carson was sick when this started, I've said the words to the entire book probably 100 times. He now repeats it to his baby daughter. He found my baby from when I was a baby and called her Annabella. He also calls her his baby daughter. He puts her to sleep and baths her. It's pretty cute. 

The sweetest thing in the entire world is hearing "I love you too Mama." I can't believe how much that can just completley melt my heart. How can I love something this much and then MORE? 

Parenthood has it's very rough moments, I'm not going to lie, but hearing those three words and feeling like they're genuine is such a huge reward for all the hard days and nights. 

I know one day Carson will probably say he hates me too, or even worse things, but I'll never forget the sound of his sweet voice at this age saying he loves me.

He also sings along with me some nights for a bit until he gets tired enough. I really enjoy this special time with him. I wouldn't trade it for even a minute of watching TV or sleep. 

The other song I've started to sing to him, just because the "I love you forever" book is very long and requires a lot of thinking at times, has been:

"You are My Sunshine"

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear how much I love you
So please don't take my sunshine away..

Carson also sings some of these lines with me. It's really sweet. I really do feel so grateful being able to share these special moments with my little boy. I'm going to miss these days when I won't be able to rock him in a chair anymore. I'm just soaking it all up now ;)
 

Am I Invisible?

Carson was sick, sick for 6 days in a row. I went to the doctor after 2 days of fever and no sleep and was told it was viral and to come back in 48 hours if the fever continued. 3 days later, I went back. He has strep throat. First time ever. I was so relieved we actually figured it out. It was around 3pm when we found this out and Carson hadn't napped. He hasn't been napping since he's been sick for some reason. He fell asleep in the truck on the way to the store to go fill his prescription. I felt horrible dragging him around this tired, but I had no choice. He needed his medication--yesterday!

 I'm sure people were looking at me like I was a horrible parent. Why did I have such a sick tired boy out at the store? I hadn't showered in 2 days either, so I guess I didn't look all that amazing either.

So, I dropped off the prescription and wandered around the grocery store. I tried to keep Carson from being upset or falling asleep in the cart. After 20 minutes, I went to pick up his prescription, there were two people ahead of me. At this point, Carson was whinny and wanted to be held. He rested his head on me and was getting hot again too. Why did I not go to my usual pharmacy? I've never waited this long before for antibiotics! 
 
The person ahead of me had an older son who also had strep. She was nice and told me Carson would be better soon. It wouldn't take long. I felt like she was genuine. It was of her to say that to me. I felt like someone maybe understood what I was going through.

After waiting for what felt like forever, it was finally our turn. Carson wanted to come out of the cart and his boots got stuck. I had to try to get them out as he was screaming. There were about 3 people behind me and no one helped me. 

I paid for Carson's prescription with one hand and had to push a giant cart with the other to go pay for the 7 things I had picked up. People just looked at me like I was crazy or something.

Of course, it was busy... it's never this busy during the day! I had Carson in my arms crying and upset. I got in the best line I could see. I felt like I wanted to cry myself. Did I really need milk and eggs? 

Just because I'm so lucky, I got in line behind an older person who doesn't know how to use her own debit card. Seriously, why use a debit card if you don't know how to use it? Just use cash lady!! I was starting to loose it. She took forever to move too and I just wanted to hit her with my cart! 
 
There were several people in line behind me. I put up all my food with Carson clinging to me and crying, all with one hand. No one helped me. 

I finally paid for everything. I used my TAP PASS for debit too. It was so easy! I walked out, still with Carson clinging to me, he would not go back in the cart. My arm at this point was numb, but I just kept on going. I guess all my workouts are paying off!

We finally got home, he got his dose of medication and wanted to cuddle in our bed. I was starving! Oh well, he needed me. 

Austin finally got home and brought me some food in bed once he figured out where we were. Carson fell asleep pretty quick, but it didn't last long. While I was sitting in my dark room, alone with my sick boy, I was able to think about my experience at the store.

I just feel like if I saw another parent with their sick child, I'd help, or at least offer. I'd maybe let the parent go ahead of me in line. What's wrong with our culture today? No one helps each other, no one understands what others are going through. Everyone just ignores others,they wouldn't want to make eye contact or maybe they'd feel like they need to help. It seems like people just care about themselves and what's best for them. No one wants to be inconvenienced. 

I was disapointed, but also not overly surprised. I'm starting to realize that I can't expect help, I can't expect understanding, or compassion from people. This world can be ugly.  Words are one thing, but actions are another.

All I can be is who I was taught to be. Someone who cares about others and takes time to help when I see a need for it. I will make sure to teach Carson to do the same. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm too nice and I worry that because I've had some negative experiences, I'm going to turn bitter, I'm trying to fight against that. I was born a people pleaser, which isn't a great thing at times, I've had to learn to say no to things when it isn't right for me. I need to stand up for myself more too.

As connected as we think we are with all the social media these days, people are so disconnected when it really counts. There's no sense of community, there's not a lot of support for young families. It feels like people just don't care what you're going through, their life is more important. Everyone is in robot mode or attached to what's going on in Facebook land. 

Was I just invisible at the grocery store yesterday? I know I wasn't and now I know how much I'm capable of too... even at almost 19 weeks pregnant with 6 sleepless nights. I am strong and I had to dig deep for my inner strength to take care of my son. 

The past week has been a bit rough, being home all day with a clingy kid. I love the extra cuddles and I want to be here for Carson. It can be frustrating and stressful too when one little thing needs so much of me. Austin tries to help, but Carson just wants me. I can only give so much. I've just felt so alone and not understood. I feel horrible not being able to work. What can I do though? I don't have any family around that can help, and I'm sure Carson would only want me anyway. It's just not so simple. 

These are the days are the days of parenthood I'll want to forget, but at the same time, I know I won't because I've grown as a person and as a Mother from what I've endured. Carson and I have had a lot of bonding time too. It's crazy how one minute it feels like I just can't do this one more day, but 3 more days pass and I'm still doing it. The roller coaster ride continues. When it's hard, it's really hard, and when it's good, it's really good. 
 
I won't give up on the people in this world. I know there are many people who would have helped me out. I know that the most important thing is that I was strong for Carson and did my best for him. Nothing else matters but my family. I can't rely on anything or anyone to understand me, bring me dinner or clean my house. That's my job. 

Carson is on the mend now and I appreciate the lessons I've learned this week. Just try to remember next time you see a crazy Mama struggling anywhere, just offer to help. Take a minute or two, it would mean the world to that Mama...