Dinner, dinner, dinner. What's for dinner?
Why has it taken me so long to be able to figure this one out? I had some very unrealistic expectations of what being "OFF" work would be like.
Before Carson came along I had visions of Austin walking through the door at 4pm, me greeting him at the door with a kiss, a happy baby sitting in his high chair, and having dinner right on the table. That sure was some fairy tale. Instead, my table is full of random clutter, I haven't showered all day, I am wearing my pukey yoga pants, Carson is crying for something, and dinner is nowhere to be found.
This is at least what is was like for the first 4 months. Chaos! I thought I would never be able to get things organized without hiring a maid. I guess it was because I had a baby attached to my boobs for 8 hours a day. Carson was just a needy baby at the beginning. Not to mention the sleep deprivation I had the pleasure of experiencing at 4 months.
Dinner. I hate dinner. When I have been organized and planned something out, Carson needs something or wants something. I can't remember the last time I really sat down and didn't inhale my food. I'm always in a rush and never enjoying the food I do work hard to make. Oh well, this is life now. I have stopped trying to fight it and make "things the way they were". The truth it, things will never, ever be like they were. Life has changed. The more I was fighting it, the less productive I became.
I still find myself at the grocery store 4 times a week just to get everything organized. Baby brain doesn't go away once the baby comes. It can be as if I can only see one day at a time. Carson distracts me with his cuteness and I forget things more than ever.
As I said, my expectations about being off were so far from what reality is. Taking care of a baby is a lot of work and exhausting itself. Doing anything above and beyond that can be challenging some days.
Now that I have had 7 months to figure this out, I have decided that I simply can't do it all sometimes. I need to be OK with that. The dishes aren't done? Oh well, Carson comes first. The floors are dirty? Oh well, Carson comes first. It's true what 'they' say about time flying by and I would really regret not focusing on what matters right now. What matters right now is not what's for dinner, it's Carson. He needs me now.
At 7 months old, he has become much more independent. This does allow me more free time to get house work done. We have also developed a routine of some sorts and I can get him out of the house without worrying about his naps being messed up. I still have my days that I just can't get it all done and that's just life. It's not going to be perfect.
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